Just about anyone who is in customer service has had an interaction that was unexpectedly disrespectful. In this post, I’m going to not only illustrate that it’s not something that someone needs to add to their identity or let them bring them down but roll off them like water off a duck back. What’s more, I’ve got a shining example of how someone I know automatically used this technique without even thinking about it. Yes, you too can do this as a habit and brighten your life on a daily basis. But first, in the spirit of transparency, I need to mention that I needed to write a blog entry today, and I had a total writers’ block. I don’t believe in writers blocks, I believe in lack of direction. A simple lack of focus. Today I had this lack of focus, and ironically I got a text message…
What was the message?
“lol, I got called an as…le today. I laughed and thanked the guy ??” I replied, “That’s Awesome!!!”
So now you probably think I’m a terrible friend, and maybe I’m even a little crazy. Well, I’m just going to disregard any insinuations I’m crazy, just in case you’re right, lol. But, I actually know this person really well. and I know just about how they handled it. Ironically I never asked them to explain the entire situation, instead, I expressed exception to my friend for what happened, I related to them and continued the conversation. Does that make me sound like a bad friend… It’s about the way you go about things that will shape the context of this conversation.
Why should I let people be mean to me?
This is a very important topic to me. I tell people that you teach people how to treat you, yet I encourage people to say thank you when someone calls them a foul name or says something nasty. But, in actuality, this person who received the comment understood that the conversation had nothing to do with them. The person directed the comment to my friend as an expression of all the things that happened to them today, that had nothing to do with my friend. My friend quickly realized that the person either didn’t like the product that my friend was selling, or maybe they hated their spouse, but inside of 3-5 minutes, there is no way a stranger could make a sound judgment call as to the person on the other end.
That being said, how could anyone possibly take such a passionate and quick judgment against them. Furthermore, only the last 3 minutes of interaction in any way reflects the person who is saying nasty things. It’s sometimes hard to let go. It’s natural to need to process the situation that just happened, but as long as your focus on them and the event, you’re letting them take up room in your mind and they are not paying rent. Therefore, to be effective one must either let it fall off of them or at most spend just a couple of minutes getting over it and moving on. You don’t know what happened to the other person before the situation. Odds, are they are normally a very thoughtful and kind person who is just responding to things that have absolutely nothing to do with you.
Let it go!!!
One can sit and waller in the despair of a brutally punishing situation, to which they have no control. Many people do this and it is a position that some find comfortable. The rest of us, generally have a daily reboot or reset switch. We have a way to restart our day, trick our mind into believing it’s a new day with an unlimited number of options. Everyone I know who does this has their own technique. I’m not a shrink and I don’t claim to be one… But I sit at the edge of my chair and I sit perfectly straight, I take a deep breath through my nose and out my mouth. I do this 10 times and it seems to release all my frustrations, I just let go. This is my reboot, I know others that clear their space, and others that drink a cup of coffee, and yet others that smoke a cigarette. I don’t recommend anything specifically because in a perfect world they may be considered vices, but it anchors the user to a daily start point, and this seems to allow them to let go of what they are frustrated with.
Turning it around…
As you recall I mentioned my friend said thank you for being called an As…le. What would cause a response of thank you? First, my friend has disconnected themselves, and their identity from the potential of a negative outcome. They only connect themselves to the thank yous and the admiration. Some may feel this is a straight line of narcissism but consider the source. My friend has now been conditioned to seek the positive. Even in a barrage of negativity my friend simply uses humor to move it from negative to positive. Now mind you if all you hear is people being negative all day, there should be thought to changing jobs, but if it happens once in a while, it shouldn’t be too hard to overcome.
At the end of the day, that person will probably not have any reflection on you again for the rest of your life. So just let it go, and move on, don’t push it down and secretly stack the frustration like firewood, it must be expelled. Once it’s expelled forgive the person who is acting inappropriately and move on. If you get too many, take a break and reset your day. This often allows people to overcome the bad situation and move forward.