Have you ever asked someone how they are doing, only to realize you never even heard their response?
You were on a mission to get an answer and whatever they said was almost irrelevant to you. I’m not suggesting you should feel ashamed or embarrassed. I make my life’s goal to listen to every word as I interact with people, and I still miss it sometimes (shame on me).
Listen for the response:
Wow… It seems like this would be common
sense. So, why don’t we do it? Instead of listening to all the chatter in our heads, and the ideas of where we think the conversation should go, let’s listen and be present in the conversation. One of the hardest skills I had to learn, and it still makes me crazy to this day is when I think I have an idea I wish to discuss and I must wait for the other person to finish. But, wait, it gets crazier. They change the subject. It would be awkward for me to change it back. It would appear as if I wasn’t listening. Oh, please someone put bamboo slivers under my fingernails to distract the pain!!!
I just go nuts with this happens. It’s so bad that often after the conversation is done, I must go to a quiet place and express whatever it is that’s stuck in my head. Please for the love of all, do not change the subject back, not only is it rude, but you can really tell people what they were saying was not only unimportant. But that what you are trying to say is more important than them. Go to the bathroom and talk it out loud, or write it into a hot journal. I know it seems silly, but this works. If you don’t, it can create subconscious animosity toward the person you were talking too.
Dig deeper:
As my friend and coach Kevin says… Well, you’ve got your hand it the cookie jar, you may as well eat the cookie. Ironically he said that to a police officer one day. Ask him what happened the next time you talk to him. It’s a riot.
Since you are already there and engaged in the conversation, why not live in the present and digest the entire discussion. If it’s talking about food, pretend you are eating what you are talking about. How does it taste? How does it make you feel? Does it give you that rush like a cool wave, or is it bitter? When you are talking to people, body language such as a sour face when you talk about a lemon signals them that you are listening and fully engaged. It can go a long way to re-enforce the report you already share. Remember when you are there live it’s unedited. Not like the social network, where you can change it again and again.
How to go deeper on social networking and SMS
When someone shares their exciting event with you, it’s very shallow to simply like the comment or statement and then say “Great job!” It’s like a little start sticker for an adult. Maybe a smiley face will make it so much better…
Or, you could share the event with them. For example: “Great Job! I’m so excited for you. You must feel great, I knew you could do it, and now I’m so happy you did. You worked hard to do this, and you really earned it.”
Create your own experiences:
Now I believe you can come up with thousands of other ways to word this. It will hurt my head if you just cut and paste this directly. So please go deeper, tell people who it makes you feel in person through body language or digital communications through typing. It’s not that hard, but at the end of the day, being present is so much more than just being polite. It lets people know you care.
“Just because people use social networking to communicate
doesn’t mean they don’t want to be loved back.”
– J –