Failing forward:
Failing forward is an amazing book by John C. Maxwell that changed my way of thinking. It was epic to see that the reasoning I keep having one failure after another could not only be directly attributed to my actions, both past, and current. It’s hard for anyone to admit they made a mistake or that they are somehow responsible for their decisions. The book shows that there are people who have fewer opportunities then most people and how they create opportunities from their failures, thereby creating even more options then they would have had had they not failed or lost their options.
Fear of rejection:
The fear of rejection the community as well as family and friends can hold people in a state of worry. Some scientist focus on the part of the mind called the reticular activator system (RAS). The RAS is the part of the brain that is designed to protect you from danger. When you see a lion or a bear your heart beat goes up, adrenalin is released, and the muscles are prepared to sprint as fast as possible. You are now ready to run and get away from the danger as quickly as possible.
Unfortunately, media has now used the RAS to create publicity and cause people to tend to focus on the negative. The RAS has been activated so much that many people are numb to epic negative tragedies.
Filters:
So one is left to ask what the RAS has to do with a fear of rejection which stops people from taking chances and being successful? We as a society look through our eyes with a filter created based on previous experiences. One of those experiences is the judgment from other people. If you say something that is disturbing to those around you, feedback identifies that you should not do it again. Some people theorize it goes back to the days of small tribes and caves. If you are kicked out of the cave you die. Therefore, if you suffer rejection you will die…
If it doesn’t scare me I’m not alive:
Living in the moment without thought of judgment can give you a definition of a fully realized life. I once met a girl who said: “If I don’t feel like I’m going to vomit at least once a day, I’m not living life to the fullest.” After I was over the shock of the statement, I realized that she was more alive than most of the people I associated with. When I met her, and I saw how much amazing stuff she did, I wondered what her secret was. It was just that simple. What a great lesson.
Life as a scientist:
Changing one’s mindset from through that life is happening to you, and realizing it’s happening for you, and creating a mindset that the obstacles are simply challenges to overcome can completely re-design a life from a life of subtle failures to one that embraces the failures.
I teach my kids and offer my coaching clients a new way to think of life a science experiment. Look at each activity as an experiment. If the experiment fails, look at the failure as feedback. It’s not a failure in the conventional sense; instead, it’s a learning opportunity. Feeling negative about the failure will only have a tendency to bring about more negativity. But, if you instead see it as a positive you will have a tendency to try more experiments, and as in my case, I so embrace failure, I sometimes try things that will most likely yield failure, but at the end of the day they actually bring me unexpected results that I’m able to use for other projects and experiments.
– J –